So, I'm beginning to wonder how much going to college is worth it right now. I mean, I'm sure other majors aren't as bad as I feel mine is, but really. This is ridiculous. My EDU classes pile on project on top of project, absolutely NOTHING is organized and I have clue what the fuck's going on. I have no clue what they even want from me. I have a two-and-a-half-hour class once a week, everything you can imagine is crammed into that class and it makes no sense. It doesn't help the teacher has no clue what the fuck she's doing. I have to get on the website and click on five million different folders to try and find all the shit we need and they want us to print out. And I don't have time to go and get any help from any teachers.

Not to mention my other classes act like they're super-important. EDU gives you NO time to focus ANY energy on any of your other classes that DEMAND all your attention, passion, and energy. I know college is hard, but c'mon! This is ridiculous! And if I don't do well in one class, Hell I get fuckin' probation and my parents get uber-pissed at me. I can't even take fewer classes over a longer period of time because that'll just cost more fuckin' money I don't have!

Think about all the fuckin' money and time poured into the experience. Not to mention every time I call home and my mom sounds exhausted as Hell. I need to be there to help her. But, no, I'm stuck here busting my ass on shit idk wtf I'm doing, and what for??? Some stupid diploma??? I won't even be a qualified teacher until I spend, like, what, four MORE years in school after I graduate??? And I've had teachers tell me that I'm going to throw out all these projects I busted my ass on that my professors are telling me I'm going to need forever. And after everything, what's it for??? To get stuck into a city classroom just trying to help these kids but I'll get torn apart by government and parents because I tapped a kid on the shoulder or a kid didn't get help when he needed it or was given help when he didn't need it like I have the time to study each and every kid and have the power to help or not help the kid. Where parents and administrators are going scrutinize every single aspect of my teaching style just trying to fuck up me and my life when ALL I CARE ABOUT is THEIR goddamn kids!

No, I can't change my major, because I have the TEACH grant. If I don't come out a teacher, that's a shitload of money I have to pay back on top of the usual loans.

Really, all I care about is helping kids. Doesn't that count for ANYTHING??? Why does the whole world have to be against me??? These fuckin' classes aren't worth my money and energy. Wtf is with all these damn projects??? What're they gonna prove??? That I don't know how to teach a kid??? Because my teachers wouldn't tell me what the fuck they wanted from me in the first place??? Oh, wait, I won't be able to show the projects to anyone, because I'll have failed all my other classes because all my energy had BEEN on THOSE projects--GOD it's not even making ANY sense anymore! Right now, all I really want is to be at home helping my mom so she can be happy and not exhausted all the fuckin' time. I'm really sick of all this it's not worth it! I just want to help kids, why do I have to go through all this bullshit??? All my time, energy, and fucking money I don't see any worth in it.